Christian Resistance

Some Pagans, they don't like Christianity much. Some, they're openly hostile to Christianity. And I get it, I understand. But I myself have never been one of them. I have always been interested in religious expression, in all the various forms I've been exposed to.

I understand why some people get hostile, but honestly I think it's important to work past that sort of emotion.

So with that as a little bit of background as to my general character and world view, you'll perhaps be as surprised as I was by my discomfort when I thought "I'm going all Christian..!"

I wasn't sure why this thought upset me, or why I found it so difficult. I was just as upset that I was upset, disappointed in myself.

I still am not completely sure why this bothered me. Not completely. But I think partly it was because I felt disloyal somehow. I felt like a turn coat.

It took me quite some time to understand how my older beliefs were transforming, and figure out an honourable and honest way forward. Of course none of this mattered to anybody else, but it mattered to me!

But it wasn't just the change in direction that upset my spiritual balance. I'd already done a fair bit of that - moving from a Brythonic path to a Heathen one involved much internal wrestling. There was something about the idea of Christianity in particular that had me all discombobulated. I seriously didn't have myself pinned as prejudiced. It was not a pleasant thought. The strangest thing was that I have plenty of Christian friends, of different denominations, which has never been a problem for me or (to their credit!) to them.

It became clear to me though, that just because I was coming to believe in an ultimate being, Mother Universe, it did not actually resemble Christianity. But those moments of upset did open a window on myself. It gave me pause, and made me aware of my own blind spots. 

Since then, things have changed. I'm still not Christian. I'm not entirely Pagan either I suppose, not in the mainstream sort of way. In the past I very much disliked the term 'eclectic'. Actually I still do to some extent! But now I do find myself open to wisdom where ever I can find it. My bookshelf reflects this broader base my spirituality now has. There are history books a-plenty. But now there are also books on the Gnostic Gospels, Hinduism, Sufism, Franciscan spirituality, Quaker titles, and a few other liberal Christian titles. I've picked up books I would never have considered reading, and they've all given me something to consider.

It was a weird response. Unforeseen. But helpful, ultimately.